Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Vagrant Vaqueros Script

No new Vagrant page this week - Mark's getting caught up.  But we'll be back soon with new pages and continued adventure.  Until then, I thought I'd post some of the work that went into the creation of Vagrant Vaqueros.  Below is half the first draft of the Vagrant script.

There was no title yet, loads of info on Jack, the jail scene has a completely different internal monologue, the old lady is more long winded, and a small preview of things to come.

The reason only half the script is here is because I really had no clue what the hell I was doing and crammed to many panels per page in.  Immediately after finishing this draft, I sent a shotgun email out to a bunch of people and they very politely informed me what I had written would be hell on any artist.  So I stretched the original 8 page script out to 15.

I know it's a little disappointing not to have a new page this week, but I hope you find this a little interesting and/or entertaining.  Back with more soon.  Onto the script...



Caucasian male, around 25
Twin pistols
Dirty blonde/brown hair, medium length, somewhat scruffy appearance.  Brash, implusive, and lucky.  Raised as a rancher and farmer, herding cattle(?)
Visual reference: Josh Holloway (Sawyer, from Lost) de-aged into his 20s

Double holster references:

[ the rest of the cast has been removed ]
Other characters:

For all demons in this series, use black speech bubbles with white text.  If you can make the "bubbles" non-standard and extra gritty, that would be even better.  Also, their eyes should be a telling sign.  If you could come up with a clever way of showing that (black pupils are pretty standard, but maybe work actual fire or flames into their eyes) that would be cool.
Demon 1 - Should look like a regular human, except for his eyes
Demon 2 - Visually similar clothing to Demon 1, but less human in appearance.  Taller, unnatural skin color, I'm thinking like a brownish red clay color.


Page 1 - Jack killing demon
Page 2 - Jack taking the necklace and getting caught
Page 3 - Jack in jail
Page 4 - Story of the necklace
Page 5 - Bar 1
Page 6 - Bar 2
Page 7 - Jail break
Page 8 - Running back to horses

Page 1

Panel 1 - Long, page-width panel. Two silhouettes face off in the middle distance of the setting sun.

Panel 2 - Demon 1, seen from the waist up:

Bubble 1 - "Jackie-boy, you don't really want to do this."

Bubble 2 - "Especially not without the rest o' yer crew."

Panel 3 - Similar waist up shot of Jack, throwing back his long coat to reveal holstered revolver on his hip, "Let's just get this over with."

Panel 4 - Demon 1's hand now hovering over his own pistol, "All I'm saying is, it don't gotta be this way..."

Panel 5 - Another long panel, similar to Panel 1, the sun a little lower and darker than before.

lots of little zoomed-in panels: one panel each for both men's guns in their holsters, a dust cloud rolling, coat flapping in the wind, one panel each for both men's trigger fingers twitching, the corner of demon 1's mouth curling into a smile, Jack's eye squinting

Panel ? - One panel, split diagonally in two, of each man grabbing his gun

Panel ? - Not a traditional panel, just the sound effect "PA-KLOW"

Page 2

Panel 1 - Demon 1 still standing, small smoking hole in his chest, black ooze spilling out, "*"

Panel 2 - Long shot, from behind Jackie. Demon 1 is seen halfway fallen over, his gun has slipped out of his hand.

Panel 3 - Demon 1, now collapsed onto the ground, gun out of reach, dust cloud raising around him, with a "KLUMP" sound effect. Jackie is walking towards the demon, his gun still drawn.

Panel 4 - Shot from Jack's point of view, looking down his arm and gun, pointed at the demon's face. "Come on then, boy. ...Finish the job." Mess with the lettering here to make it apparent he's struggling to get the words out.

Panel 5 - Now looking up at Jack's determined face, we see the flash of his gun go off, a small spray of blood hit the side of his face. "BLAM" sound effect

Panel 6 - I'll leave the details of this panel up to you, but I'd like to make it apparant Jack shot the demon in the face, without it being too graphic or grotesque (We don't want Zuda censors coming down on us).

Kneeling down beside the dead demon, Jack rips open the demon's shirt, he's still holding his gun in his right hand. Under the shirt is a silver medallion

I'll let you come up with the medallion design, but I've included a few examples below. I'm thinking roughly the diameter of a coffee cup.

http://www.rocklove.com/images/MedallionCrest.jpg - about this thickness
http://www.jonskoolstuff.com/images/AztecGoldCoinMedalion_lg.jpg - on a string like this

Finally, there should be a small speech bubble with small letters (that can still be easily read) "The shots came from over here!"

Panel 7 - With his left hand, Jack rips the medallion from around the demon's neck. There should be some small "KLOP KLOP KLOP" sound effects here

Panel 8 - Three marshalls on horseback, two with their rifles drawn and aimed at Jack. We see Jack still kneeling beside the demon in the distance. Much larger "KLOP KLOP KLOP" sound effects again, around the horses.

Panel 9 - In the distance, the marshalls still have their guns trained on Jack. The lead marshall (no gun out) yells, "Hands in the air!" In the foreground, Jack pockets the talisman out of marshalls' line of sight while raising his right hand and letting go of the gun's grip - it spins slightly to balance the trigger gaurd on his index finger.

Page 3

Panel 1 - Ariel shot of the town mid-morning. It's smallish, all one- or two-story buildings, with a water tower, all the buildings made out made of wood and/or stone.

Panel 2 - Two of the marshalls from the previous page (the two with their guns out) - one is holding a jail cell door open as the other shoves Jack into it. "Listen guys, I'm trying to tell ya..."

(In my head, I was modeling the jail off the one they stick Jack in at the beginning of the first Pirates of the Carribean - stone walls, hay and dirt floor, crisscross metal bars, window to the outside, and more bars between the individual cells, not stone walls)

Panel 3 - The jail cell door slams shut, "CLANG" sound effect, as one of the marshalls cuts Jack off, "Don't want to hear it. The magistrate will sort this all out in a couple of weeks."

Panel 4 - The two marshalls leave the cell area, Jack is holding onto the door of his cell.

Panel 5 - Jack kicks at the ground, forming a small dust cloud, "Damn it!". Text box with, "They say you can tell a guilty man from the innocent by who's able to sleep."

Panel 6 - Jack plops down on the cot in his cell. Text box with, "The innocent are too worried to sleep..."

Panel 7 - Jack getting comfortable and removing his hat. Text box with, "... but the guilty know they've been caught..."

Panel 8 - Jack in a mostly laid back position, hat over his face, arms folding over his chest. Text box with, "... and are able drift right off."

Page 4

Panel 1 - Text box with, "Several days ago"

Same Panel 1 from Page 3, by now it's late evening - the Moon is low, sky is dark, but the lights from the town light the scene fairly well.

Panel 2 - Establishing shot of a upscale home. There's a light on on the main floor, though the curtains are drawn shut.

Panel 3 - Inside the home, Jack sits in a parlor with a well-dressed woman in her mid-50s. Her long white hair is held in a tight bun atop her head. Woman: "I know all about you and gang, 'Jack.' My niece has been kidnapped, and likely killed, by two demons. Along with my niece, they've also stolen an artifact of immense power." On a small end table next to her, stands a picture frame with a woman in it.

Panel 4 - Jack, flippantly, "Demons? Listen lady, I don't know who you think I am, but-"

Woman: "Do not feign innocence with me, boy. Or do I need to prove my knowledge of such things to you by sharing what I know of the events in Culver City?"

Panel 5 - Jack, in stunned silence.

Panel 6 - The woman, passing the framed picture from the table next to her. We now see the old-looking photograph in detail - a young woman in a low-cut dress. Clearly visible around her neck of the woman in the photo is the medallion. "I see I now have your attention. The artifact that was stolen, the necklace pictured here, can be used to open a gateway. That must not be allowed to happen."

Panel 7 - The woman now passes Jack a wanted poster with Demon 1 and Demon 2 on it. "These are the men that captured my niece, demons both. In a week's time they will use the necklace to summon a far greater evil than you've ever confronted before. You must stop them and retrieve the necklace before that happens."

Panel 8 - Jack, looking determined, "I'll do it, you have my word on that, but for a woman who's niece is 'likely' dead you sure don't seem too broken up."

Panel 9 - Woman: "Not everyone turns to anger and self-destruction, as you have, in times of mourning."

Panel 10 - Jack, grinning slightly, "Anger and self-destruction just make me better at what I do."